The Whole Ball of Wax
by Jinxie4
Summary: Severus' surprise for Hermione didn't go quite as expected...  This was the first fic I ever wrote, so my apologies in advance.    Warning:  AU, OOC


**AN:** This was the first fic I ever wrote, so I hope that helps explain why it's so rubbish. I'm currently finishing the last couple segments, just to complete it.

Usual disclaimers apply: they're not mine, and I have no claims to make.

**~~~ooo~~~**

She walked into their rooms and saw a trail of hair around their rooms and thought she heard some noise coming from the bathroom. When she walked in, she stopped in the doorway and bit her lips, trying very hard not to laugh at the sight before her.

Severus had his back to her and was looking at himself in the mirror. In particular, he had his trousers open and was really looking at himself in the mirror and had such a pitifully mournful look on his face at the sight before him. He didn't notice she was in the room until she peered over his shoulder and said, "I've never had a lover go to such lengths to impress me before."

**~~~ooo~~~**

She startled him out of his reverie when she spoke. His face was burning with embarrassment of being seen like this when he turned to meet her eyes. He quickly recovered, swallowing, and lamely exclaimed, "Surprise!"

"What on earth were you thinking when you did this?" She looked at him still slightly smirking.

"I was trying to impress you by showing that I listened when you complained last night about too much hair and that I needed a trim before you'd go down on me again."

"Lovely sentiment, and not that I don't appreciate it, but have you noticed _that's_ not the only hair that's fallen off?" She looked at him still slightly smirking.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Look up," she replied, laughing as he started to take in his full appearance while trousers fell abandoned to the floor.

**~~~ooo~~~**

"Oh, bloody hell!"

"_What_ exactly did you do to end up like this?"

"I used a Depilation Charm that was supposed to shave the area for me since I obviously didn't want to risk permanent damage upon my person!" he said incredulously. Unfortunately, the effect was ruined by the fact that he had no eyebrows.

Giggling, she replied pointedly, "Well, you certainly got the not inflicting permanent damage right – on your _person_, at least. The rest of your hair would depend on the charm you used. Where's the book that you found this charm in?"

Anger now quickly replacing his shocked embarrassment, he pointed toward the door and hissed, "It's in the bloody library!"

**~~~ooo~~~**

"I don't see how a simple depilation charm could've made me lose all hair from my body – even my ruddy eyebrows are gone! How am I supposed to face the staff, let alone my students, looking like this? I'm not going to be able to maintain any semblance of respect in my classroom!"

Trying her best to ignore his tirade, Hermione found the book. It was still lying open to the charm where he'd left it on the table and began to examine it. It was quite an old tome that looked to have been well used and not the best of care taken to it and asked him where and when he'd obtained the book since he'd done the charm based on a 'conversation' during the previous night's forays.

"If you must know, it's a book of beauty charms. It belonged to my mother. I Accioed it here early this morning when I had a break between classes figuring it had to have something useful in it since she used it so often when I was younger."

"Hmm, it is quite an old book, Severus, and looks like some of the pages are damaged. Did you think to do a 'test patch' before casting the charm at full strength just to make sure it would have the desired effect?" she asked apprehensively, afraid she already knew the answer to that question.

**~~~ooo~~~**

"As a matter of fact, I did do several test patches and they all seemed to have worked fine. I was very much looking forward to the prospects of tonight..."

"Seriously? You really did a 'test patch'? Did it work?" Hermione asked soberly, taken aback.

"Yes, you can see for yourself hiding under the chair over there." Severus said, pointing to one of the chairs near the table. "Several patches are nicely trimmed: the effect I was going for before I ended up like this."

"CROOKSHANKS! You used _my cat_ as your 'test patch'?" Hermione shouted incredulously, scooping Crookshanks from his hiding place and cradling him to her chest.

"Well, he's just about if not hairier than me—by your own assessment, so it only stood to reason." Severus attempted to reason, knowing her temper was rising fast.

"You can damn well believe the prospects of tonight are _not_ looking good!" Hermione hissed back.


End file.
